Why Some Men Struggle With Love & Partnership – Spoken Word Poem

Here’s my 2nd spoken word poem for your enjoyment. Please pay special attention to how you, or someone you know, might be similar. This has been my journey…

Like this? Please share with a friend and check out my first spoken word poem here: Relationship Is A Path.

And, want me to perform this in front of your peeps? Cool. Hire me.

Here’s the full poem below. If you share this, please add my full name at the bottom.

Why Some Men Struggle In Love & Partnership 

I tried

I tried to make it work

I swear I’m not a jerk

I mean, it’s been tough

you’re not enough

And this is all your stuff

If you would only…

be who I want you to be. 

Then I could be discomfort free.

Living in my fantasy

And the illusion that love is easy. 

Instead, my wall is up. 

And I’ve shut down. 

And now I’m starting to wear a frown.

I’m not blaming you

I’m just saying what is true

That it’s not me,

it’s you.

I won’t commit 

I’ll get you to Quit

And then pretend like I don’t give a shit

 

Damn bro. 

You don’t even see

That it is you who is far from free

Your blame is mean

It’s a smokescreen

That keeps you from feeling seen

And below your blame

Is a fortress you’ve built to protect your shame

You’re blind to the fact that you made a decision 

And you are in a self-made prison.

Called the male condition

You’ve fallen asleep

You’re acting like a sheep.

She’s about to weep.  

And the cost of your actions are getting steep.

 

Oh, and you’ve got one more layer in here,

It’s called fear. 

The classic male issue with intimacy

That has you want to flee

You posture over it because you were taught to act tough and strong

For however long 

in order to belong.

 

But you’re just like the rest of us man

You don’t want to be rejected,

Which is not what you expected

You hunkered down and you protected

So that hurt little boy in you wouldn’t be detected

When all he really wants is to feel…

…connected. 

But instead of facing any of this. 

You make her wrong with a list

you defend and justify

Turn a blind eye

Run and hide

And you stay on the sidelines

So no one sees you

Even tho you desperately want to be seen.

Not for your mask 

or the task, 

or the ways you depart

but for your incredible human heart

Look, dude, I don’t want you to miss your future wife 

because your repressed emotions are running your life. 

So check yourself 

Before you wreck yourself.

 

Wow, I don’t even see that I am bleeding

Or how that could be misleading

That’s how blind I am to seeing

Or believing

That I have a part

That would mean I’d have to start

Which might mean my story would come apart

And reveal my broken heart 

 

All this time I thought I was a good communicator

Now I’m starting to feel like a traitor 

And a hater

All she wanted was for me to date her

But my favorite line was I’ll see you later

Now I see that I am the one common denominator

In all my relationship failures

Shit I hate not being right

it makes me wanna fight 

It brings up my father wound that I could never get anything right 

Then I defend myself with all my might

But, you’re helping me with my plight

I’m starting to see the light

 

So I submit and admit

that I don’t know shit 

about relationship or partnership 

And that it’s me who quit

That’s what’s legit

 

Let me summarize how I’ve played the game

I blame.

Then I feel shame

I don’t want to feel my shame,

So I medicate over that pain

And then I blame

Then I feel more shame

I don’t want to feel more shame, 

So I medicate over that pain

And ai blame

All of this keeps me in my narrow frame

And I feel disdain

As I push away that pain

And remain, 

lame.

Limping along,

Dissociated

Disconnected

Disjointed

Disordered

Disheartened

Disappearing

Distant 

And resistant

At least I’m consistent

But now…

I’m persistent

 

Cause I wanna get this

I won’t want to  dismiss

Or miss this,

So here’s a twist,

What if my strength and my vulnerability can coexist?

Yeah, I think I can 

That’s the new plan

Damn

I’ve been an unavailable man 

And I’ve created an unbelievable sham

I built a damn

A wall so tall

Even that hurt little boy had to crawl.

He felt so small.

But now? 

’ve got the key

And I’m breaking free

The part of me 

That’s been too scared to see

A new possibility 

Because I was stuck in futility

And didn’t have the ability 

Or agility 

To take personal responsibility

But then I found humility

And I Paid the fee

And went to therapy

Then got my master’s degree

In transpersonal psychology

All so I could see

That it’s not you

It’s me

So yeah, mark my words

I’m willing to learn

And leave no stone unturned

And earn

And burn 

through any and all my  issues 

Including my rage 

that keep my heart locked in a cage

I’m turning the page and 

Becoming a sage

 

I will not run

I am done

I have just begun

I am the one

To model this to my son

 

It’s profound

I nearly drowned

Then I found 

Out how to turn my life around

And now?

I’m putting my stake in the ground

 

For what?

For love

Because I want to learn how to love

I want to learn how to let love in

Under my skin

My time is running thin

 

I’m a lover

And a fighter

Not a hider

A writer

Fighting the battle within

Against him

I’ll take it on the chin

Cause I’m playing to win

And winning means 

I’m integrating all my parts and opening my heart

How’s that for a start? 

 

Look, I never wanted to get married or have kids

Then I opened my eyelids

And here’s what I did

 

I peeled back the onion

And became a husband

No longer a talker

An author

A father

Of a son and a daughter

Like water

They’re transforming my landscape

My new life is starting to take shape

I no longer need to domesticate

Discriminate

Dissociate

Frustrate

Hesitate

Infuriate

Infatuate

Take the bait

Castrate 

Hate

Or escape

 

So let me give it to you straight

It’s time to update

And re-create

It’s time to initiate

Instigate

Innovate

And integrate

What’s already innate

 

So let’s open the floodgates

Because my heart is about to take up some serious real estate

With my wife as my soulmate

And my classmate

We’re on a date

To Emancipate 

And help the world collaborate!

 

That’s right

My wife and I? 

Yeah, we’re on a date

To help the world learn how to relate

 

Hey I’m just a student…

of love

But I’m getting fluent…

 in love.

 

Finally relevant 

Is my growth and development

You see

I am a seer

A feeler

A healer

A mask peeler

A love dealer

I’m a teacher 

I’m a soft fuzzy creature

I’m a believer 

An achiever

I am a speaker

A dreamer

A preacher

A relational leader. 

I’m only sometimes a jerk. 

Cause I’m doin’ the work.

–Jayson Gaddis