Why partner? What is the point anyway?

In my 20s, I wanted nothing to do with marriage or kids.

I looked around, and it looked like a dumb idea. I didn’t see any inspirational partnerships where it looked deep and meaningful.

I grew up in Utah, where my friends married at age 21 when they got home from their mission.

Twenty-one?

Marriage was the farthest thing from my mind. I was excited to get wasted legally at the bars. (Thank god because I would have been a disaster for a partner had I married at age 21. I was deeply lost and immature).

So, seeing my 21-year-old friends get married was laughable. How could they make it work when they don’t know who they are?

At the same time, I was comparing people to the movies, which seemed pretty sexy, exciting and novel.

The gap between my reality and that fantasy was huge (but I didn’t know it was a fantasy).

Yet deep down, I had this nagging longing that I wouldn’t have called “longing” at the time. It was just a feeling, and I rarely let it surface.

What was that feeling?

I wanted a partner.

I wanted to love.

I wanted to be loved.

I wanted to share my deepest inner life with someone else.

And my very first girlfriend at 19, I had a taste of this.

She yanked at my heart, wanting to be let in, so she would ask me deeper questions.

While I was particularly annoyed, I was also partially appreciative.

She saw me.

She knew there was more to me than my mask.

But I wasn’t entirely sure because I hadn’t explored my interior all that much.

I didn’t know that a partnership, like a best friend, is an amazing opportunity to bond, connect, and get to know someone and have them get to know you.

Now that it’s 30 years later, I know what partnership has to offer. In some ways, I’m just getting started.

This is why I’m fascinated with this question as of late. It feels super important to me to reflect on it for myself and the people I work with.

And I want you to reflect on it too.

The question is this:

Why a partner? What is the point anyway?

Ca n you pause and dig into that question for a minute?

It’s deep if you allow yourself to go there.

Please consider this question today and this week.

That is your task.

As always, ask a friend, connect with your partner (if you have one), and explore it together.

It might take you somewhere cool.

In reverence for this life,

Jayson

P.S. If you want to dive deeper, check out my podcast episode with Relationship Expert Stan Tatkinon how to deal with an avoidant partner & interpersonal stress.