The absolute worst place to get relationship advice?
Friends and family members.
That’s right.
Nothing against your family or your parents. In fact, I love my parents. They rock.
But I don’t listen to them about relationship stuff. Nor should you.
Unless of course, they live and breathe what you aspire to and you know for certain they live it daily. Going to family for relationship advice is
like asking them if they can help you navigate an Everest climb. No way. They have no idea what they are talking about. When it comes to relationship, they haven’t studied human beings for decades formally and they are not trained to help people with their inner-most relationship problems. They are of no help here.
Yes, your family and friends may be able to help you with art, real estate, your golf game, picking out a great restaurant, or teaching you about acupuncture. But unless they study themselves and human beings for a living, they are pretty useless in the relationship department.
And, yes, there are exceptions to every rule. Uncle Bob may have given you great feedback when you dumped that girl, or your mom might have been the only person to tell you the truth about that lame boyfriend of yours. But this is very rare.
The second worst place to get relationship advice is from someone who is not living what you want to live. In other words, going to a couples counselor who is not living inside of a fulfilling marriage can’t help you with your marriage. Sure, they can give some good tips, but overall, they don’t know what it’s like. Listen to this podcast here for more on this.
Would you go see a financial advisor who was broke? I don’t think so.
Seek people who live and breath relationship problems and how to overcome them. Seek people out who model what you want to be like. Seek out real people who overcome real relationship problems in a way that you respect and admire.
Action Step:
Write down who you know for certain is modeling the kind of relationship you want (This can even be a therapist, coach, or mentor). Seek them out and grill them for 30 minutes on what makes their relationship work.
3 Comments
Aimee DeRoehn
April 27, 2016I actually have yet to take a course with you, and to me, thats fine.
Simply because I had to recognize that I had overdone the trainings, workshop, course arena and I had to cease signing up for this and that and sit with myself fully, doing my own deeper work of listening inside me, and accessing my own higher self as a teacher / coach to me.
That being said, I never fail to miss an email or article from you and it always, without fail- bumps right up into the place i either just figured out or was sitting in at that moment, or had just arrived at feeling the skid , crash or burn.☺️
So thank you. Thank you because your willingness to meet yourself in such raw Jason Terrain and bring us the goods, words from that place, and only that space IS a game changing coach.
Thank you, for just those emails and such are potentiy helping me buckle down and further ride in and with and thru parts of myself in relationship as I navigate more realistically as who I am IN relationship and thats after coming out of one and taking an honest look at my part and both sides.’
The place i now speak to anyone seeking me out with question ot etc has me speaking from really sitting & being compassionate with my hurt wounded triggered reactive side with far deeper raw empathy and humility for me and therefore others. Its a different place for sure, but the empathy for oneself and owning your own triggers etc with love, rather than reactive ego is far more of a leg up when speaking to others is far more empowering than the pity or talking AT someone or agreeing the other party is a jerk.
Thank you – I wish this email cane out a year and half ago.
Ironically, i was at a loss then and crossroads and sought out a famous author/ counselor certain shed have answers and yet listening to that, and worse taking action took me so far into the bushes, and away from myself. It Also was said RUN, which was her cut and dry instinct
That fed my being “right to do so and also validated my wanting to be let off the hook.
We think that thats the better route, sometimes ya, sometimes not quite. Space helped but not in the long run. Yet, i coach far more consciously as a result when others ask me what to do.
I think we need to put the power back into the hands of the person , who lives the effects. Remind people that theres that quiet part of them that knows better.
I admire your coaching because i feel you do that well. People are truly not so helpless as our reactive ego wants to insist. They need someone whose gone to that wiser place and light up the footpath back to theirs.
The places I have walked having retrieved that have been helped by your words,
And allow me to know truly why your so different in your approach.
I have the utmost respect for the process and unique method to your madness in your coaching being so deeply embodied. I largely thank you and your wife for splaying all that humanity out to us, no matter how it gets painted.
Gratefully,
Aimee in seacoast NH!
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Jayson
May 4, 2016Ha ha. I’m so with you Aimee. Get the healing back in the hands of the one who needs the healing. So true, and people need to learn how to take full responsibility. That’s the program I’m on full out. Thanks for your commentary and feedback!
Leahnora
July 7, 2016My boyfriend recently introduced me to your work. Had I followed the advice of my friends and family, we would definitely NOT be together after 4 years today. Now, I can tell you that I’m thrilled to come to your website and podcast for advice because it’s very rare to find a couple that has weathered similar storms as my partner and I. When we listen to your podcasts, we are constantly saying “yep, sounds familiar!”.
We’ve had a painful and tumultuous relationship to say the least, but I can say that both of us are so grateful to be where we are today. Both of us have worked through many painful layers and are becoming more and more authentically aligned with our true nature. It is hard to imagine what life would be like if I would have dumped him for a “safe quality man”. Thank you so much for sharing your work and intimacy!
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