Let’s say you and I are in a long-term relationship.
When I expect you to live like me, make choices like me, love like me, or automatically get me, I set myself up for various levels of frustration, angst, hurt feelings, and resentment.
Similarly, when I’m in the dumper and I expect myself to live, or behave like you, I will probably feel depressed, guilt, shame, and less than. Our connection will now experience more and more stress over time.
But let’s say you suddenly get inspired and decide you want to change this lame dynamic, only to find that I am resistant. I’m defensive. I’m bitter. I’m hurt. I’m tired. Ouch.
Many of us get “caught” in these subtle trappings and add more suffering onto the relational drama pile.
If you want to bust out of this game and instead create more vibrant, empowered relationships, it’s solely up to you and “how” you do it.
Like it or not, the ball is in your court to get the kind of marriage or partnership you want.
Once you take full responsibility to get what you want in a relationship, you can’t blame other people for you not getting it.
Empowered people leave relationships that no longer serve them.
If you remain fearful because you still believe you can’t have exactly what you want, you’ll stay and settle for a mediocre marriage. The years will go by and you’ll feel depressed inside as you try to make it work.
Instead, I recommend two things:
1. Get in touch with exactly what you want your relationship to be like (that doesn’t include fantasies or unrealistic statments like “We never fight.”)
2. Own it and go after it. Take full responsibility for getting it.
And if you want to learn amazing, practical tools to address all of this, join me on this site as you navigate and “scale up” to a better relationship.
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