I often take my partner for granted.
After 10 years of being with her, and having two kids, when I’m not paying attention, I can fall into a routine. I can walk by her majesty and barely notice her. In my most asleep moments, I don’t even see her incredible eyes, or hear her amazing voice.
I get why couples slowly drift away from each other.
I get why they might divorce, look elsewhere, or become best sexless buddies over time.
The stats are high. Especially for new parents.
The most common little rift I see, that turns into a canyon over time, is in the first few years after having kids. The demands of childrearing are relentless. Holding down jobs, bodies changing, feeding extra mouths, money stress, while losing sleep every single night, are but a few side effects that begin to deteriorate the marriage.
Sex slows…
Connection wanes…
And in many cases, all the love gets directed toward the bright little lights called children.
If a couple isn’t “on it” they can slide into a new baseline rut of complacency. They become roommates, or at best, good business partners (because running a family is like running a business together). While this can be great for raising the kids, it takes a toll on the marriage.
I have experienced most of this in the past 5 years. And, thankfully, my wife and I have tools, a vision, a shared language, and a willingness to reach through our own stuckness if, and when, we are lost in the weeds.
So, to my brilliant partner:
I love you.
I see you.
I am listening.
I’m here.
I’m not going anywhere.
My heart is with you.
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