A simple reminder when trying to work out a conflict with your partner. Use “I heard” vs “you said”
When you pretend like you know exactly what your partner said, it typically doesn’t go well. I find it preferable to say “What I remember hearing you say was….” Or “Through my filters, what I heard was….”
The benefit to this “responsible communication approach” is the other person (your partner) is less likely to shut down, justify or get defensive because you’re not telling them you have the truth on what happened. This way, each of you can have your own valid experience of what happened. It opens to the door to greater curiosity and listening, which in turn has the likelihood of building safety and connection.
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