Running Away From Relationship Problems

I remember when I was a boy and I got hurt by something my parents did or said on this particular day. I ran outside and silently decided, “That’s it! I’m running away.”

I got as far as the backyard fence that led to a huge field. I stepped into the field and looked back at my house.

Hmmm. Decision time.

This was the moment I’d show my parents once and for all…

Me as a little boy

…but then…

…I hesitated.

I looked out into the big field and beyond. I wondered where I’d go? I felt afraid. I suddenly realized that I’d be alone. I didn’t really want to be alone. I looked back at my house again.

Then out to the field of freedom.

Then back to my house with mean people in it.

Then back to the field with scary stuff.

Then back to my house with people that fed me.

I sulked back to my yard (not quite the house) and would climb a tree. Sooner or later I would realize I had it pretty good….

As grown ups, we do the same thing in a marriage.

Think about it.

You run away. At least for a little bit, right?

But then you pause…and look back at your situation. Then, you look out into the vast unknown. You see two choices…Stay or go?

More specifically these choices are simple:

1) run away and be alone or

2) be upset and feel alone, but at least be with someone.

So, what do you do?

If you run away and get to the fence like I did, you’re smart enough to see you might have it pretty good.

But is pretty good enough to nourish you? Enough to sustain you? To fulfill you?

Do you really want to just “have a partner” so you can have the illusion of not feeling alone. Or do you want to have a partner that has your back in such a way that you feel met, seen, understood and acknowledged for who you are?

To me, having it “pretty good” isn’t good enough. 

I want great. I want outstanding. I want to come home and feel the well of nourishment my relationship provides.

I want my relationship to be an inspiring place to be, a dojo, and a refueling station all in one.

When I was a checked out man, I didn’t know that I had power or choice to make all of this happen. Why? Because I was asleep. It wasn’t you or her. It was me.

The choice, and the will, to create an indestructible partnership for yourself lies within your hands right now.

Sure, your will or desire might be in the basement buried beneath all your baggage and complaints, but it’s there. I know for certain you have the type of longing in your heart to create a deeply satisfying relationship.

And guess what? As a functioning adult, you can make it happen.

The first step is to see what exactly you are running from. And, here’s a hint…

…most of the time you are running away from the discomfort you feel in YOU, as your partner behaves in a way that triggers you. So, you’re not really running away from them, you are running way from your experience.

Once you get this simple fact about relationships, you can choose to engage with your discomfort and get some tools. Or of course, you can keep running if you’d like.

Next, ask yourself, “What am I doing in this moment to move toward my ideal relationship?” Not a dumb childish fantasy, but a realistic, mature, adult, mutually loving and respectful partnership?

Or do you prefer stay afraid, young, and alone with an empty tool box?

You know, you can do something about that, right? It’s not like you are a kid anymore.

Choose.

Roll up your sleeves and start to face the challenges that will NOT stop coming until you face them.

I’m here to tell you, you can have what you want. You just need tools. You just need a map and some simple, yet high-quality guidance.

If you want to put in some effort and learn the class you never got in school, join us here:

The Deep Psychology of Intimate Relationships

So, if you put in some effort, you get to reap the rewards of having a very empowered and inspiring partnership.

And next time you think about running away, just remember, it is YOU who you are running away from.