photo by Johanna Reimer
Being a parent & raising these two children is the greatest accomplishment of my life to date. I know, I’m only four years in, and a lot could happen, but why not celebrate who I am and how I’m showing up for these two tiny love beasts?
(It’s actually quite vulnerable and uncomfortable to acknowledge myself for anything, and I’m leaning in here, to the discomfort, to the fear, and writing anyway…)
I LOVE who I am as a parent. I LOVE my presence, my heart, my attentiveness, my attunement as a Dad. I have zero parent-guilt (that I’m aware of). I love how I work with myself. And, I make mistakes. Sometimes I text or instagram instead of connecting with them. Sometimes I snap at them. Sometimes I run away from my feelings. I’m far from perfect. But the core of what’s working in our family is living what I want my children to be—-themselves. In order to do that, I look in the mirror with great rigor. When I get triggered, I take it to my wife, my meditation cushion, my community, my friends, my healers. I pray. I ask for guidance. If I get really stuck, I pay trained professionals to help me see, and work through, the triggers my children provoke in me. I pay these same professionals (or new ones) who know children better than I do, to help my kids strengthen their internal resources and burn through traumas so they can return to their fundamental trust in Life. I provide a deeply nourishing and secure homebase. I’m unflinching in my commitment to preserving and pouring gas on the essence of who they are. I model the way not through lecture, shame, or pretending to be the expert, but through humility and self-awareness. If I want them to be in their body, I get in mine. If I want them to trust Life, I deepen my trust in Life. If I want them to love themselves, I continue to drill down into the places where I still dislike or even hate myself and I learn to embrace me there. If I want them to respect, love, and honor other people, I show them that through my actions with my partner and with complete strangers. If I want them to be shame free sexually, I go deal with my own shame around my sexuality.
In other words, I do my inner work. I willingly go down into the dark places in my own psyche and body/mind/heart to clear out generations of stuck patterning and agreements and CHOOSE a different path. This requires a nervous system upgrade. Do I want to pass this one down to my kids or do I want to face it and clear the path for them? Oh, another thing to work on and feel? No problem, I say yes to healing even that.
As I’ve said before, parenting consciously is a relentless path with zero escape. I surrender to this mystery and the built in brilliance where I get to co-explore the sacred mystery with my kids, together. I love myself here. My heart expands.
Thank you Mystery for bringing me into this Life, in this time, with this family. Love. Love. Love.
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