Do you want more connection while your partner wants more space? One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. In the second of our two-part series, Ellen and I help the distancers understand and deal with your pursuing partner.
SHOWNOTES
- What does it mean to the distancer with a pursuer partner? [7:00]
- Is the pursuer really being needy when they want attention from a distancer? [10:00]
- The link between a pursuer and their childhood relationship with their caregiver. [12:30]
- A better way to ask for space. [15:00]
- Why the pursuer can be an MVP in a long-term relationship. [19:30]
- Jayson’s action step for the listener [23:00]
HELPFUL LINKS
- The Relationship School™ – Roots Community – $1 Trial
- Monogamy & The Smart Couple – Facebook Group
- How to Leave A Podcast Review
3 Comments
Nokomis
October 6, 2016Hi, I just listened to your podcasts on distancer/pursuer dynamics. I found them very helpful. I am definitely a distancer and my partner the pursuer. I think we’ve got a pretty clear view on this in our relationship. My question is what do I do when every time I turn towards or show any affection to my pursuer he just wants sex? Thats the only plan he ever wants to make with me. I try and attend to this need but frankly as attracted as I am to him it makes me want to run. What can we do to change this dynamic?Cheers, Nokomis
Kim
October 14, 2016I would be very interested in hearing any advice or answers to this same question. Thanks, Kim
Sarah
January 4, 2017I appreciate this two part episode so much. I find that I identify with both distancer and pursuer at times, but mainly am the pursuer. I shift into distancer when I feel my voiced needs are not heard or when my partner becomes defensive. I love the idea of naming why the distancer is needing the space and setting time limits to how much the distancer needs to come back and talk. I will be trying out those 5 points on both!
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