We all have a childhood strategy or two that we play out as adults. Some of these got heavily rewarded, some of them just saved us from further isolation, shame, and hurt.
Just because you fixed things in your childhood and got rewarded for it, doesn’t mean you have to keep fixing things in your adult relationship life.
In fact, while being a “helper,” “fixer,” “rescuer,” or “hero” will garner you loads of praise in certain environments in this culture, it’s really just you playing out your childhood strategy. And, in a long-term partnership, this type of strategy has a big cost over time and can even damage your intimacy and connection over the long haul.
Somewhere in that approach is your genuine gift in help others. But it doesn’t become a true gift until you learn to run it cleanly, rather than it running you.
The key for you is to learn the difference between your natural and beautiful gift of helping and the outdated, tired pattern of helping others in order to get love.
Why do this?
Because your natural, bright love is way more impactful in the long run, than your strategy. But in order to do this, your self-value will need to out-weigh the emphasis you put on others valuing you.
Leave A Response