The Biggest Relationship Battle You’ll Ever Fight

Here’s the deal. Watch the 2 min video, then read on.

Now, notice how some people want to argue with this fundamental point.

For example, after watching this video, someone writes;

No way.   For instance, if you really need to discuss something pertaining to the house you live in and a problem with finances, reality insists that we talk about it now. Or if there is a problem because the other person shuts down after a discussion about their using pot all the time, or their friendship with someone you don’t like.  You can only wait for so long before you have to talk.  And if the person keeps shutting down that is not my problem, it is their problem.They are not helping me.   They are obstructing moving forward in life.   Not all problems can be condensed into person problems.  There are also political and social problems.   For too long this obsession with personal growth has ignored the outward extensions of life at the expense of a lot of things.I’m not being triggered and thus have to deal with it personally.  I am being manipulated and have to deal with it socially or politically.  There is a difference and it is the key to many social ills.

So, for him I’d say this:

I get that we have to navigate a lot of “practical” things in our marriages like our finances, our different parenting styles, and other choices. I’m with you. That takes work and negotiating in such a way that we can be true to ourselves. Otherwise, it rarely works.

Let’s zoom in a bit to your language here, which is the language of the victim. “They are not helping me. They are obstructing moving forward in life.”

This of course is blame. Blame is a losing game.

Instead of thinking they are not helping you, consider that they are helping you (through their neurotic behavior) face your unconscious bullshit that is keeping you in this pattern.

“I’m being manipulated and have to deal with it…”

Look, if you think you are being manipulated, that’s what it will be to you and you’ll remain frustrated and disempowered. Whenever we use language like “have to” we rob ourselves of full choice and agency. Again, victim language.

Next look at why you are attracting someone who is supposedly manipulating you. What are they trying to get you to own?

Finally, you are kidding yourself if you also don’t manipulate. We all manipulate to get something we want. You’re no different.

So, the big battle is within.

Until you get that, you will keep making the problem outside of you, where your results are dependent on someone else.

Once you get this, navigating everyday challenges like finances, friend groups, and parenting become way more doable and efficient.

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