I’m a little dense sometimes.
So, I like to use whatever tools are at my disposal to face my blocks and heal my relationship baggage.
Why?
Remember…
…the day I realized I was the one common denominator in all my relationship failures was the day I decided to do whatever it takes to learn how to have a deeply fulfilling long-term relationship.
So, once I made that decision, I was pretty much willing to try anything…
It also just so happens that I like to experiment and study myself (that was my favorite part of grad school—studying my own mind and how I work).
I’m pretty relentless when it comes to trying just about anything in the personal growth domain. I’m my own personal lab rat when it comes to overcoming and working through relationship challenges and seeing my blind spots.
I’ve tried just about every kind of therapy. Not because I think somethings wrong with me, but because I love learning about myself and don’t like it when I get stuck or blocked in life.
So, you name the therapy, I’ve probably tried it.
Going even more “alternative,” I have also used marijuana, MDMA, LSD, and plant medicine such as ayahuasca or mushrooms to “get at” things traditional coaching, therapy, and us human beings struggle to see. I even did a couple of sessions with Kambo recently just to give it a whirl (That’s lethal frog poison in case your wondering).
These “medicines” used in a sacred way can help us tap into our unconscious in order to heal our issues, traumas, and pain. They can also give us a window, and a tangible experience of our greatness. Alternative medicines like this can help us tap into what’s possible in our lives.
Yet, when I was young no one taught me that “medicine” could be used in this way (and perhaps I wasn’t available to learn in this way), so like any teenager, I just experimented and called it “doing drugs.”
For example, in college I used mushrooms a few times and had profound experiences. One was very dark and the others profound. But since I didn’t have any guides, and no experience, I chalked this up as just a wild “trip.”
But looking back, mushrooms gave me a doorway into a deeper reality. It was almost too much to handle honestly. I faced some huge internal fears that I had been suppressing, but very quickly ran away from that part of myself. Psilocybin showed me who I wasn’t, and it was painful to see.
LSD was similar for me. I’ve had both strong positive experiences and a few dark ones.
After college I thought I was pretty much done with these substances.
Twelve years later I began to get curious if plant medicine used in a “sacred” way with intention, a tight container, and good 
facilitation, could help the healing process.
So, I read up, asked around, and went for it…
This time I was prepared. I had spent 3 years studying the psychology of my mind and I had 5 years of a very solid meditation practice to be able to “hold my seat” under adverse conditions, like my mind freaking out, etc. These kind of details could have made a big difference to the less mature twenty year old in me.
Enter psilocybin.
In 2006 I dipped my toe in the world of mushrooms again and this time my friends and I would “drop in” with the sole purpose of healing and growing.
Then, last year I decided to take some mushrooms alone with a very clear intention. The results were again amazing and I gained clarity that had eluded me before.
Prior I was feeling stuck.
I had found myself in a familiar pattern with my wife. I ended up feeling pretty hurt and instead of doing my typical pattern of pursuing connection with her, I chose to take some space, dive into my hurt, and explore.
Because I care to dissolve things quickly and efficiently, I knew I needed help with this one. It felt big…
So, I drove to the mountains and spent the night alone in a remote cabin. I was determined to get to the root of the issue so I ate some mushrooms with the intention to dive directly into my experience with this level of support.
It was a harder night than I had anticipated.
I faced some good demons and felt layers of shame, grief and rage and tender sadness. It was like wringing out an old wash cloth. I worked the issue until I came out the other side very clear on what needs to happen. I returned to my home committed to my new direction and the days that followed proved very connective with my partner and lots of good family time.
Will I do mushrooms again?
I don’t think so, because since then I’ve found an even more efficient way to work through my relationship blocks. In fact, I just returned from training in a method that I believe with one day change the face of psychology and therefor the results you get in your relationships. And, it involves no substances, nothing “illegal,” and can be used on just about anyone who is ready.
What is it?
I only share that with folks who work with me privately or enroll in my courses. Why? Because you need the proper context and facilitator who is trained to guide you through it.
So, if you want that, sign up for my next course, stay very connected here on my site and you’ll soon learn along with me.
And, for those that want to try mushrooms for relationship help?
Of course, I don’t recommend you try any substance at home, or solo, unless you have experience and a solid guide. I have a lot of experience with hallucinogens, plant medicine, and can hold my seat in the midst of really dark material, fear, or pain. If you are new, don’t bother unless you can find a credible guide to safety and gently stair-step you into a rich experience.
However, here’s what I do recommend…
Stop complaining about your relationship problems and take action to do something about it.
Stop seeing any of your relationship problems as problems and start seeing every single one of them as an opportunity.
Get outside your comfort zone and investigate alternative approaches to “get at” your entrenched relationship patterns if you feel called. If you go this route, try MDMA as it feels like the safest and most gentle entry point for newbies. Even better is apply for the research study so you can participate legally so you don’t have to navigate the added stress of someone watching over your shoulder.
Sometimes, all it takes is one insight to uncork a buried, repressed memory. Once that’s done, you can “go work on it” with a pro to help you dissolve it or resolve it. But only find people who can dissolve your traumas and don’t let you run your victim story.
There’s no need to keep spinning in circles.
Years later, and months later, my experiences with different substances done in an intentional way still sit with me as a very helpful reminders of who I am, what I’m here to do, and what I’m not willing to “act like” anymore.
And, like I said, stay in touch here if you want to get complete with the relationship patterns that don’t serve you.
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Related posts:
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2009/10/lsd-making-a-comeback-in-therapy/
https://www.jaysongaddis.com/2015/09/sc-16-ayahuasca-relationships-geoff-hanzlik-and-richard-furr/
https://www.jaysongaddis.com/2015/08/sc-13-mdma-in-relationships-dr-will-vanderveer/
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