Yet another few comments on conflict and how not to fight. Most couples get stuck claiming they know “exactly” what happened as they review why they are in conflict.
Exactly?
yeah right.
Watch this and please consider that you don’t know “exactly” what happened.
Helpful yes?
Try to skip this from now on. NO ONE remember “exactly” what happened.
Just take the view that your spouse’s experience is valid, even if it’s wrong.
Here’s how to validate your spouse if you need help with that.
1 Comment
Stephanie
April 16, 2016Thanks Jason. What a disagreement like this arises I listen to my boyfriend and validate his experience. Then when I told my part he still insists that I have it all wrong, gets defensive, sometimes angry, and then stonewalls me. I feel frustrated that even if I do my part you own my perception and experience, he uses my reality to justify his rightness, and make me even more wrong or invalidated. I have given him your videos and handouts on how to validate my experience, he can do it with issues regarding other people, but not with issues that have to do with our relationship . He just seems to feel criticized, get defensive? and angry no matter how I say it or how much I own my own experience.
Any of ice? I also did your courses for the four steps. even a few weeks ago I had really had enough and broke it off and move my stuff out. We had one short meeting after that but we still aren’t sure if we can work it out.
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