photo by Lindsey Beard, creative commons, Flickr
Conflict avoidant couples who wanna feel good all the time, spend a huge amount of energy keeping the shadow of their relationship at bay. These fearful couples tend to get comfy in complacency and justify it by tucking things under the rug. If we spend time with this couple and learn about them, typically there’s a very valid reason for this level of hiding. But if they have the courage to look into each other’s eyes, into what’s really going on, and share uncomfortable truths, they might discover, below any blame, that one or both feel adrift, alone, pissed, less connected, even hurt, or simply scared. If willing, they often find that they are avoiding and blocking the very issues that could take them deeper, and the very issues that could have them feeling more alive and connected to themselves. This level of honesty breathes in new life and opens new doors with new possibilities.
Intimacy is so confronting. It’s so vulnerable. It’s so awesome. And, when one of us takes a risk and reveals ourselves, like how scared we are as we gaze into their eyes, we step into the unknown mystery of intimacy in that very moment. We are no longer living in fear because we are willing to talk about it openly as it’s arising in us. Our connection that was brittle or stale before, now has a drop of water or a ray of sunshine. *sparkle*sparkle*
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