The most common relationship issue I see everyday in working with couples that are in crisis or are in serious pain?
Self abandonment. One or both people have abandoned themselves in the relationship.
This leads to a subpar connection full of resentment and festering avoidance. And, some folks actually believe that by betraying themselves in relationship, the relationship will be okay, feel good, or be conflict free. Instead, each person slowly builds a quagmire of resentments internally. Meanwhile, the relationship begins to stagnate, fester, and die into mediocrity. Ouch.
The way out? Be honest with you. Own your co-dependent tendencies and learn to love that needy, fearful young one inside of you instead of asking your partner to. Come to understand all the ways you’ve left yourself behind. Then, commit to no longer doing that to you. Take on the practice of making it a higher priority to love yourself and be true to yourself, rather than “keeping the peace” in the relationship. Become okay with conflict and intensity in relationship. Say yes to your own triggers and stop participating in asking the other person to be different.
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