When I judge you, I’m not trusting you. When I’m not trusting you , I judge you.
There are three parts to this.
Part A. Mirror. I know when I judge you, I’m not only not accepting you, I’m also not accepting me. It’s very simple. I am not completely landed in me and how I still judge myself. The part I judge is probably somehow, somewhere a disowned aspect of me.
Part B. I’m afraid. It’s very scary to trust in the sacred way of your life. I know intellectually that your life is trustworthy just as you are living it. It’s a tough practice to trust my life completely, so it makes sense that it’s hard to trust yours so boldly.
Part C. Me not trusting and judging you is an expression of my own intelligence and my love/respect for you. This is my soul wanting more from you. I’m craving more truth, more congruency, more connection from you, and to feel experientially that we are not separate. I judge you here because it feels like you are living a semi-true life and not in alignment with your soul’s knowing. I want that level of congruency for you because it inspires me to stay with my soul’s way and knowing. I long to feel the depth of our shared humanity and the deep resonance between us when we both have the courage to trust our deeper Self. I long, deeply long to feel you land in the depths of your soul.
This last part starts to take on a less judgmental quality and invites exploration of how I experience you. This is where we can truly be of service to one another, especially if we are clear on part A & B. So, let’s be willing to share our experience of each other (from a place of love and respect) in a way that can be mutually beneficial.
5 Comments
Jonathan
February 7, 2012Jayson, A & B is very clear to me, and they way you’ve outlined Part C totally lands for me, thank you. I notice this is my direct experience with some of my fellow men who I judge to be not “getting it”. They don’t get the exploration I’m going through, and they don’t get my desire to share my experience in the hope they might want to share theirs too. If I open up, won’t they want to open too? I get the idea that not every dude wants to get on this level, but I’m at my angriest when they don’t even engage with me. If they don’t understand, is there a reason why they don’t ask?
I feel lost and lonely at time when I express stuff in a messed up way, but I still want to serve these men and honour the relationships with them before I turned the corner and started to ask these kind of questions about myself. I want their support, but am lost in trying to express it in a way where they “might get it”.
That’s a smoking bad-ass picture by the way!
Daniel
February 17, 2012You forgot D. I judge you because you see something in me I don’t want to accept. Often D is the result of someone blaming you for something “You’re hurting me.” The result is “You’re a wimp, You’re blaming, You’re just being a Victim” Like A it’s not landing in myself and being willing to see that I just might be hurting you. Keep away is fun but how does the sap in the middle feel, and am I at all able to do something about that, do I care, does it matter? And Like C you may not be handling it all that well but does that mean you are wrong. Are my actions affecting you? I judge because I’m afraid you might be right.
gwalter
March 16, 2012In the last couple of years I have lost some very good friends. One being my brother. It all hinges on this.
Although at least one of those friends have sought reconciliation, I chose to walk away. Partly, because of B & C. I cannot make myself vulnerable to someone with whom I don’t see as having integrity. I also don’t feel strong enough to be vulnerable to these men.
It’s not good – but I need them to walk this journey with me – in conversation – and they would rather sweep it under the rug.
Jayson
March 18, 2012i think this is tough. i cut a lot of friends out of my life b/c I didn’t know how to navigate these waters. I needed to totally separate for many years b/c they kept trying to suck me back into an older version of me. However, that isn’t their fault. So, now, I feel more open and accepting, yet it is still a challenge when we are on different developmental stages, etc. I hear you.
Sammy
January 29, 2013I can’t say I understand Part A. We judge people every day. Say someone answers their cell phone while we are spending arranged time together without asking if I mind. I judge that person to be inconsiderate of the time we are spending together, and say that I don’t appreciate the cell phone interfering with out time together. I then ask if they are willing set the phone ringer to off. If the answer is “No”, then I tell them I am not willing to have the constant interruptions and leave. I don’t understand how is that not accepting me.
If friend decides to steal, and I judge that he does something I don’t want to be associated with, so I no longer want to hang out with him, how is that not accepting me?
Could anyone explain, please?
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