Surrendering Into Greater Love

Photo By Joshua Levin

As many of you know, I have been in a massive surrendering process for almost two years now.

My habitual “push” is getting less and less air time and my willingness to surrender and trust is becoming more of a daily reality.

My ongoing softening process has been facilitated largely by my children. They continue to chisel away at my defenses and blocks, opening me to more and more love.

I’m also getting support from my wife Ellen, Megan Eggers, David Cates, meditation, and the occasional ayahuasca dive.

More support recently came from an experience at the Authentic Community Leadership course led by Decker Cunov, Kendra Cunov, and Bryan Bayer of Authentic World.

I helped facilitate small groups throughout the weekend around the subject of community leadership. Yet, largely the weekend was about relationship practice—seeing and being seen.

I got to work alongside new and old friends and a few folks from Authentic World team, mainly Decker, Kendra, and Bryan. I learned a lot from them and it felt so awesome to be humble enough to learn from my peers. I am pretty much the only facilitator not trained in their modality of “circling,” yet they trust me enough to do my thing (more evidence that I’m okay just as I am).

And, on the very last night with two hours to go until we closed, my brother Adrial Dale, a guy who I’ve never met, who has been following this blog since its inception, shared with me how I have changed his life.

With tears in his eyes, he recounted how he judged the shit out of me three years ago. Then how over time he slowly grew to respect me. He gave example after example of how I have touched him and inspired him to put himself out there. The exercise was supposed to be about him and somehow the tables turned and he just kept firing love bombs at me. Slowly, with no defensiveness, or deflecting away, I let his love in.

My whole body was buzzing, tears welled up. Something in me just kept saying YES to his honest, vulnerable truth. A near total stranger was seeing me, really seeing me.

I let his love in completely. And, it shattered me into pieces.

I cried. I laughed.

The photo above is me lying on the floor after Adrial sliced me open with his love.

Wow.

More new and old friends moved in to just witness me and hold me there. I must have been on the floor (in the middle of the room) for a good hour while the workshop kept going. I couldn’t get up and it felt soooo good to just lay there in a puddle.

I deeply received his experience of me. Receiving love has been a major edge in my life and this experience was very affirming at the progress I’ve made. Whew.

And this is what can happen in community and when we dare to be ourselves and share openly with others how they have impacted us.

More please.