Photo by Josh Levin
The biggest lie I’ve ever been told and believed?
That I’m separate. That I’m alone.
I see how in the belief of that story I have created ongoing struggle and suffering. I see the pain I cause myself and others.
I feel rage beyond belief about this lie, how I was told, how I believed…for so fucking long. I have been seduced over and over by this story. I have owned the story as an unchallenged, unconscious habit. A habit so entrenched it is causing me to die in order for me to get its absurdity and see what is really going on.
Tonight I saw a fork in the road. I chose the path of oneness. The path where I am held. The path of connection.
I understand it’s not black and white, that it is a continuum. Tonight I took a step closer to the Truth. The cosmic truth that I am foaming at the mouth for. My thirst is undeniable now because I know there is more water up ahead.
Tomorrow I might fall down again and believe my habit to be true. I might wander on like that for some time until a blade of grass in the wind reminds me that I am that blade of grass, that leaf falling from the tree, the old woman who walks each day to feel the fresh air against her wrinkled face. I will remember that I am her. And she is me.
And that I am you and you are me.
4 Comments
Alex Owens
November 15, 2010How does the full act of believing you are one with everything actually change your experience of life? I believe everything is one yet I still still feel lonely, still identify with my perspective of the world (my sense of self based on being at the center of perceived events). Maybe I don't truly believe it, but I'm confused as to how knowing you are one with anything changes your experience.
Alex
Keith
November 15, 2010Beautiful, Jayson. I always think of it as two truths, simultaneously unfolding. I am both utterly, completely alone, and completely bound to and part of everything and everyone. As Alex mentions, it's a matter of perspective for the shift to occur, but the feeling of Oneness is the feeling of Bliss, the feeling of non-attachment, and the truest and most authentic feeling of love one can have. It is the experience of looking into the stars and literally seeing yourself look back, causing a smile and laughter that I could have ever thought I was alone — silly ego! (or of looking into your child's face, and seeing the same thing.) But the self-contraction returns, as it is wont to do, and I become Keith again, mostly. Except the memory of the experience is in my body, as undeniable as the current feeling of being separate. Which one is true? Both are — the ego only has three jobs in life “I want it”, “I don't want it”, or “I'm indifferent to it.” That is the experience of separateness right there, an experience that is a function of ego. It doesn't go away (nor should it!), but we can grow around that view, hold it as we would hold a petulant youngster, smiling inwardly as they thrash and pound against the world. For their demons, like ours, aren't any more real than that separate sense of self. 🙂
Jesse
November 18, 2010I appreciate your addressing your truth of “oneness” in relationship, J. I am struggling big-time with establishing and living fully from my own wholeness with a woman a love deeply. Nice to hear an honest choice being made for connection.
Jesse
November 18, 2010I appreciate your addressing your truth of “oneness” in relationship, J. I am struggling big-time with establishing and living fully from my own wholeness with a woman a love deeply. Nice to hear an honest choice being made for connection.
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