If you are the one who chose to get a divorce, or you are thinking about a divorce, than this podcast episode is for you.
Divorce is often stigmatized in our culture as bad, wrong, a failure, you name it. But is it really? Isn’t it okay to throw in the towel sometimes?
My answer is in this episode, where I talk about 2 reasons why divorce might be, or might have been, a valid decision for you. But be prepared because I also challenge you. Notice if you get defensive and if so, leave a comment below.
Most people can't do long-term partnership...because they didn't learn. Share on X
12 Comments
Angie Rio
January 14, 2016Excellent talk. It came at the perfect time!
Angie
January 14, 2016Excellent talk. It came at the perfect time!
Giovanna
January 14, 2016So where do abusive and/or toxic relationships fall on this spectrum of 2 reasons? I guess if your partner is a raging alcoholic, that might fall under the first category of not being willing to work on their stuff?
Jayson
January 15, 2016Correct Giovanna. If my partner is a raging alcoholic, I’d be taking a peek at how much I don’t value myself.
Quinn
January 14, 2016Hi Jayson, I love this. I left my last relationship for the sake of the other not wanting to grow and realizing that we were not, ultimately, a match in life (enough in common). The latter valid reason for divorce also sounds familiar. How do women “burn through” their own issues that they see when they look into the mirror? Especially with your example of your partner cheating 5+ times, or something equally tragic/threatening to one’s Self? Can you name a few coaches/women’s support groups?
Thank you kindly. I bow to your and your wife’s work. In mutuality,
Quinn
Jayson
January 15, 2016Quinn, If I got cheated on 5 times, I’d be asking myself “How did I co-create this?” What is my past is asking for healing with this present pain? That is where I must look.
Anna
January 15, 2016Hi Jayson,
Thank you for a great post. I totally support the two valid reasons you explained. Something that concerns me, however, is when you promote 5+ cheating situation as workable. I think that the ultimate lesson in relationship like this is self-respect. And once learned, it should be promptly followed by the decision about leaving. I strongly believe and support “no victimhood” position in any given relationship, romantic, professional or friendship. We should take responsibility for being in a relationship in a first place, and accepting of the lessons that come with it. But once our boundaries are pushed to the point of violating basic integrity rules, then the question to ask is not “How I can make this work?”, but “What is the lesson for me in this and how I can make this serve me?”. And often times this lesson is self-respect, self-love, especially for women who tent to linger for too long in toxic relationships. I would appreciate if you clarified this because otherwise your words might be construed as an encouragement to stay in toxic situations that might appear as workable.
Thanks for the great work 🙂
Jayson
January 15, 2016Anna, Agreed. That goes without saying, but I know some will misread that into what you suggest. Will keep clarifying for sure. thanks!
Quinn
January 16, 2016Yes, Anna. This seems more apropos. I think for women, especially, there is a tendency to internalize their partner’s poor behavior in relationships and then conjure up a false sense of guilt rather than name things for what they are and take action accordingly to salvage esteem. The same can happen to men, but I see this less frequently. Thanks for your comment.
Pania
January 18, 2016Thank you for this. I feel that my relationship falls more into the second – we are tired of trying to work through our ‘shit’. But also kind of the first one in a way..what would you say about this situtaion?…I feel that my husband is growing faster than me and I want to grow too and I participate in our relationship growth…but I feel like he is trying to pull me along quicker than I can go, like I’m being dragged…and I’m not sure if the direction he is heading is where I want to go!!
Luciana
January 18, 2016What about the non negotiables? What if you’ve realized that you’re not as aligned with your partner as you thought you were and the two of you realized you are making each other feel unsatisfied all the time because you don’t meet your non negotiables?
Kerrin
January 18, 2016I love your honesty and upfrontness especially as I’m a woman and this is coming from a mans perspective. Twelve years in, 2 kids, a cross atlantic move away from my family and friends, no consistency or willingness for growth from my husband. Put in years of works on myself and with my marriage, even left once and came back. I agree with things being workable but it really takes two and I’m tired of doing all the work and ultimately still having to make the decision to bale. I have busted my gut..but its still so scary. Ultimately, it takes two and I’m in situation number one. I sit here and wonder at what point will I actually leave and how I can deal with the fear of being a single mum. Maybe my last thing to deal with before I make the leap perhaps. Thanks for the podcast.
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